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????親愛的安妮：我新近加盟了一家大公司的小型公關部門。我喜歡這個工作，但有個問題困擾著我。我的前任深受愛戴，留下了一些忠心耿耿的追隨者，其中就包括和我共享辦公空間的同事。姑且叫她Q吧。到目前為止，Q一直處心積慮地和我作對。比方說，有些平常她負責的任務，她會裝聾作啞，任憑我自己去苦苦摸索。 ????碰到這種陰損的人，我真的很煩，她朋友的離職和我沒有一點關系呀。我很討厭小雞肚腸的辦公室政治。我只想做好本職工作，和大家和睦相處。我明白我應該耐心點，讓同事（特別是Q）慢慢接受我，但我也不想當人家的出氣筒。我該如何維護自己的權益，同時又不顯得咄咄逼人呢？—— 新手上路 ????親愛的“新手”：“我很想知道Q怎么說。”這是莫妮卡?沃福德的想法，她是來自奧蘭多的高管培訓公司Contagious Companies的主管，該公司的客戶包括微軟（Microsoft）、聯(lián)合保?。║nited HealthCare）、美國電話電報公司（AT&T）和海洋世界（SeaWorld）。她說：“我們常常自以為是地假定每個人交流的方式都和自己一樣。實際上并不是那樣。Q可能會以為，如果你需要她的幫助，你自己就會說出來。聽起來，你們之間完全沒有交流。” ????沃福德寫過一本書，名為《讓難纏的人消失：如何應付窘境、排除沖突》（Make Difficult People Disappear: How to Deal With Stressful Behavior and Eliminate Conflict）。 她專門指出，不要把書名誤解為真正讓某人消失（不管你多么渴望擁有這樣的魔法棒），題中之義是要幫助你自己“不再將差異視作困難，大多數(shù)時候，一旦你努力去深入了解對方，同時改變自己的期望值，‘難纏’的人就好應付多了。” ????好啊，但如何能做到呢？沃福德建議從以下四步著手： ????1. 別忙著做假設。沃福德說，對別人，特別是你所不熟悉的人的行為做假設很危險，有可能導致無謂的沖突?！癚是否真的在‘裝聾作啞’，還是另有隱情，讓她看起來在對你保留信息？”沃福德不由得想，“除非你和她談談，不然你只是根據(jù)自己得到的信息進行判斷，結(jié)果很可能遺漏了關鍵信息。”不做倉促假設“讓你有時間收集更多信息，達成更精確的看法?！?/p> ????2. 別急著貼標簽。沃福德指出，你才剛剛認得新同事，就認定人家是“忠心耿耿的追隨者”和“陰損”。她說：“貼標簽于事無補。而且可怕的是，標簽一旦貼上就很難揭下來了?！?/p> ????人腦的工作方式就是這樣的，一旦給某人某事定了性，“不管他們做什么，不做什么，都只會加深那個印象，”沃福德補充道?！按竽X會尋找支持那個標簽的證據(jù)，而忽視所有與其相反的信息，即使后面一類數(shù)據(jù)更多。你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，只要拋開那些標簽，你的看法會更加客觀和開放，”而那也有助于接下來的兩個步驟。 ????3. 表現(xiàn)出興趣。既然是同事，你和Q就會有共同的目標，比如完成任務，為何不試著和她交流，在你力所能及的范圍內(nèi)，找出讓合作更為流暢的方法?！澳阋脖仨氄f清楚，為了完成任務，你需要她怎樣地幫助你?！蔽指５抡f。“但一定要仔細聆聽。保持積極對話，展示你的誠心誠意。也許會有意想不到的發(fā)現(xiàn)?！?/p> ????4. 問到點子上。“可以提一個信息量很大的問題：‘能告訴我你對我們的工作關系有什么期望嗎？’”沃福德說?！耙欢ㄒ⒁饽愕恼Z氣，因為‘期望’有時是個分量很重的詞。但是如果用和緩的方式提出來，這個問題會啟發(fā)思考，引發(fā)真誠的討論。” ????她還給出另外一個可行的方法，就是從所謂的針對性面試中拾一點牙慧?？梢赃@樣說：“舉個例子，講一講你和別人之間融洽的工作關系吧。你覺得哪些因素會有所幫助？”沃福德解釋道。“要試著引導對方講出一個故事，得到大量信息、深入了解，而不是問一些只得到簡單回答的問題?！比缓罄脧膶υ捴械脕淼男畔⒅笇乱徊降男袆?。 ????你提到給你的新同事一些時間來適應你的存在，這是個很好的想法，沃福德說：“每個人適應改變的速度各不相同。有時候，只要簡單地認識到并接收這個事實，你就更容易靜下心來等待時機，專注于自己的工作而不是他人的態(tài)度。” ????談到工作，沃福德告訴我們，在和客戶的咨詢中，她常常聽說，“工作已經(jīng)很艱難嚴苛了，還要去費心費力地去處理人際關系的問題。殊不知，如果你努力去體貼諒解同事，你的工作實際上也會變得容易，你也會更有成就?！?/p> ????反饋：在你的工作經(jīng)歷中，你是否曾經(jīng)替代過某個被認為是不可或缺的人物？你是如何應對的？歡迎留言評論。 |
????Dear Annie: I recently started a new job in the small communications department of a big company. I'm happy to be here, but there's just one problem. The person who had this job before me was extremely well-liked and left behind some hard-core loyalists, including the person I share office space with. I'll call her Q. So far, Q has gone out of her way to undermine me. For instance, she has played dumb on tasks she would ordinarily be responsible for, leaving me to figure things out on my own. ????I really don't appreciate her passive-aggressive resentment of me, since her friend left the job through no fault of mine. Also, I hate petty office politics. I just want to do my job and get along with everyone. I realize I need to be patient and give people (especially Q) time to accept me, but I don't want to be a doormat in the meantime. How do I stick up for myself without being confrontational about it? — New Kid on the Block ????Dear New Kid: "It would be interesting to hear Q's side of this," muses Monica Wofford, head of Orlando-based executive development firm Contagious Companies, which counts Microsoft (MSFT), United HealthCare, AT&T (T), and SeaWorld among its clients. "Often, we walk around assuming that everyone communicates the same way we do. But they don't. Q may be assuming, for example, that if you want her help figuring things out, you'll say so. Meanwhile, it sounds as if no communication is happening at all." ????Wofford wrote a book called Make Difficult People Disappear: How to Deal With Stressful Behavior and Eliminate Conflict. The title, she notes, refers not to literally making anyone vanish (no matter how much you may wish you had a magic wand), but to training yourself to "stop seeing differences as difficulties. Most of the time, once you make the effort to understand more and change your own expectations, 'difficult' people become a lot easier to deal with." ????Great, but how do you do that? Wofford suggests starting with these four steps: ????1. Withhold assumptions. Assuming anything about someone else's behavior, especially someone you don't know well, is risky and can lead to needless conflict, Wofford says. "Is Q really 'playing dumb', or could there be some other reason why she appears to be holding back on information?" Wofford wonders. "Until you discuss the situation with her, you're only working with your own data, and there are probably some crucial pieces missing." Withholding assumptions about what's going on "gives you time to gather more information, so that your perceptions are more accurate." ????2. Hold off on labeling. You barely know your new colleague, yet you've already decided she's a "hard-core loyalist" and "passive-aggressive," Wofford observes. "These labels aren't helpful. The trouble is, once you've labeled someone, the description tends to stick," she says. ????The human brain is wired in such a way that, once we have characterized someone or something in our minds, "everything they do, or don't do, will reinforce that," Wofford adds. "Your brain looks for evidence to support the label and overlooks all the input that runs counter to it -- even if there is more of the latter kind of data. You'll find that, if you ditch the labels, you can be a lot more objective and open-minded," which will be a big help in the next two steps. ????3. Show an interest. Since, as coworkers, you and Q are both working toward a common goal -- i.e., getting work done -- why not try to find out from her what you can do to make that process run more smoothly? "You also have to be clear about what you need from her in order to do your job," says Wofford. "But it's important to listen carefully. Stay engaged in a dialogue and be genuinely curious. You may be surprised at what you discover." ????4. Ask the right questions. "One question that can be very revealing is, 'Can you tell me your expectations of our working relationship?'" Wofford says. "Do watch your tone, because 'expectations' can be a loaded word. But, asked in a non-confrontational way, it's a thought-provoking question that can lead to a real discussion." ????Another approach that works, she adds, is to take a leaf from so-called targeted job interviews and say something like, "Tell me about a time when you had a great working relationship with someone here. What made it work so well for you?" Explains Wofford, "Trying to draw out a story will give you a lot more information and insight than asking questions that call for only one-word answers." Then follow through on what comes out of the conversation. ????Your mention of giving your new coworkers time to get used to your presence is spot on, Wofford adds: "Everyone adjusts to change at a different pace. Sometimes simply recognizing and accepting that can make it easier to bide your time and focus on being great at your job." ????Speaking of which, Wofford says that, in sessions with clients, she often hears that "work is difficult and demanding enough without also having to put all this effort into figuring out how to get along with people. The irony is, if you make the effort to understand the people you work with, the actual tasks grow easier -- and you get a lot more done." ????Talkback: Have you ever stepped into a new job where you were replacing someone that others regarded as irreplaceable? How did you deal with it? Leave a comment below. |
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