????有句眾所周知的諺語(yǔ)：有了好籬笆，才有好鄰居。這句話的根本意思是要設(shè)定牢固的界線。設(shè)定好界限后，令人分心的瑣事和意想不到的干擾就會(huì)少很多，我們就可以自由地從事符合自身最佳利益的事情。這在數(shù)字時(shí)代尤為重要，因?yàn)樵跀?shù)字時(shí)代，有太多人在爭(zhēng)搶我們的注意力，我們不得不面對(duì)各種各樣的干擾。

????不管是對(duì)于個(gè)人生活，還是對(duì)職業(yè)發(fā)展而言，修建“好籬笆”，或者設(shè)定界線，都是最重要的技能之一。而“好籬笆”最重要的意義之一就是，能對(duì)我們不喜歡，或?qū)ξ覀儌€(gè)人或職業(yè)發(fā)展沒(méi)有益處的人、活動(dòng)和約定勇敢拒絕的能力。你拒絕對(duì)自己沒(méi)有幫助的事情，實(shí)際上就是在贊成對(duì)你有幫助的事情。拒絕，也是給對(duì)你有益的事情開(kāi)辟必要的空間。

????對(duì)于大多數(shù)人而言，拒絕非常困難。我們似乎對(duì)所有事情都在說(shuō)“是”。在我看來(lái)，我們，尤其是女性，之所以認(rèn)為拒絕非常困難，原因之一是我們希望被別人喜歡。我們希望被看成是善于團(tuán)隊(duì)合作的人。我們想融入團(tuán)隊(duì)。我們不想因?yàn)榫芙^某個(gè)人或某件事而傷害對(duì)方的感情。我們之所以對(duì)太多事情說(shuō)“是”，或許是出于愧疚，抑或是為了證明自己無(wú)所不能。

????不論這背后有怎樣的心理因素，也不論有怎樣的理由，對(duì)太多的事情說(shuō)“是”，會(huì)令你疲于應(yīng)付，甚至產(chǎn)生適得其反的效果。對(duì)太多事情說(shuō)“是”，可能意味著我們要對(duì)一些非常重要的事情說(shuō)“不”。如果我們的時(shí)間安排得太滿(mǎn)，哪里還有空間去容納意想不到或夢(mèng)寐以求的機(jī)會(huì)？如果我們的“籬笆”不夠牢固，就會(huì)有各種不速之客闖進(jìn)來(lái)。

????我們要修建“好籬笆”，要下定決心只對(duì)自己喜歡的、有利于職業(yè)發(fā)展或不會(huì)令我們分心的事情說(shuō)“是”。

????以下七條建議將幫助你學(xué)會(huì)說(shuō)“不”：

????執(zhí)行24小時(shí)的暫停期。在接受任何工作或個(gè)人邀請(qǐng)之前，給自己24個(gè)小時(shí)。你不需要馬上回復(fù)?？紤]一下你能從邀請(qǐng)中得到什么，它是否值得你拿出寶貴的時(shí)間，是否是你真正想要做的事情。還要考慮一下自己已經(jīng)接受了哪些任務(wù)？你是否不得不放棄某些事情？

????例如，收到邀請(qǐng)時(shí)，你可以這樣說(shuō)：“感謝您的邀請(qǐng)。但我要查看一下日程安排，并且考慮一下。我會(huì)在明天給您回復(fù)?！比绻@確實(shí)是你想做的事情但你卻無(wú)法參加，一定要表達(dá)出這樣的意思：“非常感謝您的邀請(qǐng)。我現(xiàn)在無(wú)法參加，但我希望未來(lái)能夠有機(jī)會(huì)。希望未來(lái)有活動(dòng)或項(xiàng)目的時(shí)候，您還能想到我。”

????要得體且果斷地拒絕。我們知道如何說(shuō)“是”，卻不知道如何說(shuō)“不”，尤其是面對(duì)我們確實(shí)不想做的事情時(shí)，我們通常會(huì)編造一個(gè)又一個(gè)借口。如果你考慮過(guò)對(duì)方的邀請(qǐng)，并且答案是否定的，一定要得體且果斷地拒絕。用下面的方式，將使你不必再為找借口而糾結(jié)，也不必受愧疚感的折磨：

????Everyone knows the adage: good fences make good neighbors. Basically, it means to set firm boundaries. By setting boundaries, we find the freedom to behave in our best interest, with fewer distractions and fewer unwanted intrusions. This is even more important in our digital age, where there are so many people vying for our attention and so many ways to be distracted.

????Building good fences—setting boundaries—is one of the most important skills to master for both personal and professional growth. And one of the most important aspects of a good fence is the ability to say no to the people, activities and engagements that we do not enjoy or that do not advance us personally or professionally. When you say no to the things that don’t help you, you are, in effect, saying yes to the things that will. By saying no, you open up the space necessary for yes.

????For most of us, saying no is exceedingly difficult. We seem to say yes to everything. I think one of the reasons we find it so hard to say no, especially as women, is that we want to be liked. We want to be seen as team players. We want to be included. We don’t want to hurt feelings by closing our door or, God forbid, saying no to someone or something. We say yes to too many things maybe out of guilt or maybe to prove that we can do it all.

????Whatever the psychological back story, whatever the reason, the fact remains that saying yes to too many things is overwhelming and counterproductive. By saying yes to too many things, we may be saying no to some very important things. If our plate is too full, there’s no room for the unexpected or ideal opportunity. If our fences aren’t strong, everything gets in.

????We have to build good fences and resolve to say yes only to the things we enjoy, that advance our careers, or that don’t distract us from our goals.

????Here are seven tips to help you say no:

????Implement a 24-hour pause period.Give yourself 24 hours before accepting any invitations, professional or personal. You don’t have to give an answer right away! Think about what you will get out of it, if it’s worth your precious time, and if it’s something you really want to do. Also consider what is already on your plate? Will you have to give something up?

????For example, when you have received an invitation, simply say: “Thank you for the invitation. Let me check my schedule and think about it, and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” If it is something you really want to do but simply can’t, be sure to convey that: “Thank you so much for the invitation. I can’t do that right now, but I would love to serve in the future, and I hope you will keep me in mind for future events/projects.”

????Say no with grace and authority.We know how to say yes, but we don’t know how to say no, and we often go down a rabbit hole of excuses, especially if it’s something we don’t want to do. If you’ve thought about the invitation and the answer is no, decline gracefully but authoritatively. Here’s how to do it without twisting yourself in a knot of excuses and guilt: