????在一本名為《信心代碼：女性應(yīng)該掌握的自信科學(xué)與藝術(shù)》(The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know)的新書中，兩位著名的電視記者克萊爾?希普曼和凱蒂?肯表示，女性不如男性那么自信，甚至當(dāng)她們具備同等能力時也是如此。她們援引的眾多研究顯示，缺乏自信正在成為許多女性事業(yè)發(fā)展的攔路虎。這兩位作者發(fā)現(xiàn)，這個問題不僅她們自己身上存在，就連她們采訪的許多權(quán)勢人物也深受其害。

????作為一位過去10年來一直從事溝通培訓(xùn)工作的教練，我對這個結(jié)論并不感到驚訝。我不僅看到了這個問題，而且還詢問過不少女性，她們?yōu)槭裁慈狈π判?，希望找到解決之道。

????過去一年來，似乎每隔一周就會有一篇文章、一項研究或調(diào)查把“高管風(fēng)范”列為女性面臨的挑戰(zhàn)之一。高管風(fēng)范，也就是形象和說話像一位領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者，往往是信心的委婉說法。不少企業(yè)找我?guī)椭澄桓吖埽皇且驗樗蛩狈π判?，而是因為他們需要“打磨一下風(fēng)范”。沒有人愿意承認(rèn)自己的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者缺乏信心。實際上，我經(jīng)常發(fā)現(xiàn)這些領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者對自己的工作很有信心——他們只是看起來或者在內(nèi)心深處覺得自己配不上這種成功。

????在我培訓(xùn)高管的10年中，女性高管碰到這一問題的頻率遠(yuǎn)高于男性。

????比如，我曾經(jīng)幫助一位女性高管克服對發(fā)言的恐懼心理。我追問這位受過良好教育的女士，問她究竟怕什么，她說她擔(dān)心人們會認(rèn)為她不夠聰明。當(dāng)她需要在世界各地聲情并茂地宣揚所在組織的杰出工作時，這種非理性的恐懼讓她變得非常拘謹(jǐn)，過于正式，顯得無動于衷。

????去年，在多家金融服務(wù)公司培訓(xùn)極具潛力的女性雇員期間，公司領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者確定了兩大溝通挑戰(zhàn)：其一，他們說女性往往不像男性那樣頻繁地尋求外界的復(fù)核；與此同時，由于擔(dān)心女性變得情緒化或者產(chǎn)生戒備心理，男性也不敢提出反饋意見。其二，他們說女性也不愿意像男性那樣坐在前排，積極參與討論。這些溝通挑戰(zhàn)正在打擊女性高管的職業(yè)生涯。我在培訓(xùn)會上提出了這些問題，想看看她們作何反應(yīng)。一位年輕女性說，她很難擠入男性俱樂部，或者面對一群男性侃侃而談。另一位說她不參與討論的原因是，她擔(dān)心要是她沒有掌握所有的答案，他們會無視她本人和她的想法。

????那么，女性怎樣才能提升自信心呢？

????我建議客戶欣賞一則聯(lián)邦快遞(FedEx)的廣告——在這則廣告中，有兩個人在會議期間講了同樣一番話，但第二個家伙顯得信心十足。先發(fā)言的那位資歷稍淺，他以問題的方式拋出自己的見解。臨近發(fā)言結(jié)束時，他的聲音上揚了一下。（小姑娘們聽好了，這就是所謂的高聲發(fā)言。）進(jìn)行陳述時，他的眼睛掃視四周，胳膊肘嘎吱嘎吱地支撐在桌面上，而且他的外形看起來不夠整潔。后發(fā)言的那位則坐直身子，身體微微前傾。即將結(jié)束之際，他的聲音突然變得低沉，給人以確信不疑之感。他顯然是在注視，而不是掃視坐在桌子四周的幾個人。腳本中唯一的差異是，正式發(fā)言前，他先說了一句開場白，“好吧，大家聽聽這個看法怎么樣？”然后，他暫停了一下，頓時集中了與會者的注意力。

????很容易吧，但本文要重點討論的是，女性如何才能改善自己的表現(xiàn)：

????不要過于在意形象，過分顧及別人的反應(yīng)

????在10年的教練生涯中，為上鏡形象而煩惱的男性屈指可數(shù)。我向你保證，這決不是因為男性高管個個英俊瀟灑，氣度不凡。另一方面，如果女性覺得沒有呈現(xiàn)出自己最好的一面，她們就不會把心思放在培訓(xùn)本身。這都可以理解。我自己一點都不懷念在破曉時分上電視的那些日子，這就是其中一個原因。就外表而言，我們女性擁有的服飾和發(fā)型選擇比男性多得多。對于女性，人們一直奉行以貌取人的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，無論她們從事什么工作，做出了多大的成就。在這個問題上，最有發(fā)言權(quán)的恐怕是希拉里?克林頓。

????In a new book, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know, two high-profile TV journalists, Claire Shipman and Katty Kay, say women are less confident than men even when they are equally competent. They cite studies that suggest this lack of confidence is getting in the way of more women getting ahead. The authors have seen it in themselves and in interviews with powerful people.

????As a communications coach for the last decade, I'm not surprised. I've not only seen it, but I've asked women why to help find solutions.

????In the last year it seems every other week there is an article or study or survey about executive presence as a challenge for women. Executive presence -- looking and sounding like a leader -- is often a euphemism for confidence. Businesses don't approach me to help an executive because he or she lacks confidence, but because they need to "polish their presence." Nobody wants to acknowledge that their leader lacks confidence. Indeed, most often I've found they are confident in the job they do -- they just don't look it or feel deep down that they deserve success.

????In my decade of coaching top executives, this is far more often the case with women.

????For instance, I once worked with a well-educated executive who was dealing with her fear of speaking. When I pressed her about what exactly she was afraid of, she said she feared people would think she is not smart enough. This irrational fear was making her stiff, formal, and unemotional when she needed to emote to promote her organization's good work around the world.

????And within the last year training high-potential women at several financial services firms, leaders identified two main communication challenges: First, they said women don't ask for reviews as often as men, and men were afraid of offering feedback for fear of women getting emotional or defensive. Secondly, they said women don't sit up front and participate like men. The communication challenges were holding women back. In the session, I asked the crowd for reaction. One young woman said it's hard to squeeze in or speak up in a man's club. Another said she doesn't participate because she's afraid they'll dismiss her and her ideas if she didn't have all the answers.

????So how can women start feeling more confident?

????I suggest clients look at a FedEx (FDX) ad -- the one where two guys say the same thing at a conference table, but the second guy is confident. The first, more junior guy floats his idea as a question, his voice goes up at the end of the statement. (Young girls listen up. That's UP speak.) As he speaks, his eyes dart around the table, he's crunched over leaning on his elbows, and he looks disheveled. The second man sits up, slightly forward. His voice goes down at the end of his thought with conviction. He looks distinctly at a few people at the table vs. scanning. The only script difference is that he leads off with a line, "Okay, how 'bout this ..." Then he pauses, and that reels in attention.

????Easy enough, but here's how women can do better:

????It's the way we look and look

????In a decade of coaching, I can count on one hand the number of men who have been bothered by the way they look on camera, and let me assure you it's not because they all look so good. Women on the other hand cannot focus on the coaching if they feel they don't look their best. This is all understandable. It's one of the reasons I don't miss being on TV at the crack of dawn. Visually, we have more clothing and hair choices than men, and we have long been judged on our looks no matter what the job and how well you do. Ask Hilary Clinton.